Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
