I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
