I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
