you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
