I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
