If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
