Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
