so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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