I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
