oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She bit a glass in half.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
