On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
