dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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