So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
