you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
