I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
