I accidentally had phone sex last night
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
