well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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