i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
