there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
