Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
