just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
