i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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