he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
