So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
