I think my fart just growled at me.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
