Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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