my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
