I hope mine doesn't look like that
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
