Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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