I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
