All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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