dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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