Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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