I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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