the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize