Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
