i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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