Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
