At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize