Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
