We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
