I hate your face
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
