is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
