I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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