What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
