Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize