Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
