I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
