you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
