We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
