The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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