Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
