you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize