you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
a search helicopter?!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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