she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
