I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
