i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
