Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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