I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
