shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
a search helicopter?!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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