Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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