I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize