If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
