Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
