but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
