What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
