i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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