A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
