I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
