absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
