I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
