Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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