Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
