What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think my moral compass just broke
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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