I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
