i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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