Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i think i just lost a toe
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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