Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
