i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
