So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
