omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize