so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
