Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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