I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
