her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
