Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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