Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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