I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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