Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize