Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
