And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
ok first of all what the fuck
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
