You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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