I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize