we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
