i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
