That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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