I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
