Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
