Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Alive.
So much puke
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
