I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
